


pretend - short boyf riends one shot

by nojeromo



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Im tired, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Pining Jeremy Heere, Short One Shot, angsty pining jeremy is my life-fuel and i dont know why, i also posted this on wattpad but i doubt it can be found, im sorry jeremy, jeremy doesn't know what he's doing but that's ok, jeremy is a sad boyf, jeremy likes michael and michael likes rich mk its lowkey a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:29:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24290590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nojeromo/pseuds/nojeromo
Summary: But that's all it ever was, wasn't it?Just a crush.No big deal.Not like he'd fallen for his best friend of 12 years or anything.Just a crush.--In which Jeremy is a mess who likes Michael and accidentally gives himself false hope.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell, Rich Goranski/Michael Mell
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	pretend - short boyf riends one shot

_It's fine. You'll get over it._

Clammy palms.  
Quickened breaths.  
An awful gash in his chest that could only be described as hurt.

_Don't make such a big deal out of it._

Tightened grip.  
A twist in his gut.  
A shaky gasp.

_It's just a crush._

But that's all it ever was, wasn't it?  
Just a crush.  
No big deal.  
Not like he'd fallen for his best friend of 12 years or anything.  
Just a crush.

These are the thoughts of Jeremy Heere.

Jeremy Heere, the boy who liked his friend.  
Jeremy Heere, the boy who was hiding in his bedroom, pretending that just curling up in a ball would make his feelings go away.  
Jeremy Heere, the boy who liked to pretend.

Pretend that maybe he had a chance.  
Pretend that he wasn't heartbroken when he realized he didn't.  
Pretend that the feelings were gone.  
Pretend that the feelings were never there in the first place.

Pretend that everything was okay.

(Spoiler alert: it wasn't.)

This was where the thoughts came in.

_You're pitiful. He's just a boy._   
_You're acting like it's the end of the world._   
_It's not like he'd ever like you._   
_Get over it._

But that was just the thing. He couldn't.

Getting over Michael was like trying to move on from the Squip-cident.

Everyone told him it would happen, eventually. It would just take time. But it would happen.

For both things, Jeremy couldn't believe them.

Just like the Squip haunted his nightmares, begging and vowing for its return, his feelings for Michael haunted him everywhere he went.

Before his mind could dive into another painful tangent, he felt a buzz from his pocket. His phone. Quietly uncurling from his tight embrace with himself, he shakingly grabbed the device and briefly read the contact name.

Of course it was him.

Honestly, he probably shouldn't read his message.  
He really wasn't in the mood.  
It would only make his heart hurt.

Not like that ever stopped him.

_'hey,,, this might sound weird,,, but i just wanted to tell u that like,,, idk man,,,, i think ur cool. really cool. honestly. and while im typing this,, like,, idk. ur like,,, pretty? not in a romantic way,,, im just sayingjdksfjfslkd sorry if thats weird--'_

There it returned.  
His racing heart.  
Clammy palms.  
Dry mouth.  
Widened eyes.

Was he shaking? He couldn't tell.

Michael. Michael thought he was cool. Michael thought he was pretty.

Michael.

Suddenly, everything felt unimportant. The only thing that mattered was the words here on the screen.

(He lowkey wanted to screenshot it, but he didn't want Michael to find it in his photos. That would be sketchy.)

A thought that he despised made its way to his head.  
A thought that always ended up in heartache.  
A thought that he never took seriously.

The thought that Michael might like him.

An all too familiar voice hissed in his ear. _"It's imperative you tell him how you feel."_

Jeremy cringed. It was gone. It couldn't control him anymore. He didn't have to listen to it. He shifted back into his fetal position and waited for the Keanu Reeves voice to fade away. He didn't even know if it was really back, or if his mind was playing tricks on him. He would never know.

Even after the relieving silence of his mind returned, the Squip's words still echoed. Was it right? Was telling Michael how he felt really the best option? Why should he listen to it? It could very well be a thought of his own.

Still, he found himself turning his phone back on and calling Michael. The moment in which he waited for Michael to pick up was one of the longest moments of his life. The only thing he could hear was the outgoing ring and the heavy thudding of his heart.

But then he heard it. His voice. His voice was full of music and dancing, of butterflies and french toast. It was the sun. The warm breeze on a cool summer day. It was everything.

"Jeremy? Hello?"

Right. He was here to confess. No big deal.

"Uh, well, hey," he greeted awkwardly, mentally cursing his lack of social skills. He was never awkward around Michael. But the thought of it all was too much. Michael must have heard the slight tremble in his voice because he sounded a bit more concerned as he replied.

"Is something wrong?"

"I got your message," he blurted out. "And, er, I-"

Michael cut him off. "What message? The last person I messaged was-"

He didn't finish his sentence. Jeremy heard him exhale a long breath. After his slight moment of silence, he began speaking again, voice slow and wary.

"By any chance... did you get a message from me saying some dumb cheesy shit?"

Was this... the way Michael was supposed to respond? He sounded irked. Almost confused. A horrible feeling started to form in his gut, but Jeremy ignored it, convinced his instincts had no idea what they were telling him.

"Yeah, and I- I wanted to talk to you about--"

Michael cut him off. "Relax. You don't have to friendzone me, bud. It wasn't for you- it was, er, for Rich." He said the last part so stiffly that Jeremy knew he wasn't lying. This wasn't Michael chickening out of a confession. It was a real, genuine accident.

"Oh-" he had to stop himself from talking for a moment, his voice already dangerously wavering. "Thanks... for telling me. I- I was confused, yeah. Uh, that's it. Bye." He didn't even care if he sounded weird. He couldn't stand any of it.

He was right.  
He was stupid.  
Michael would never like him.  
He wasn't Rich. Or anyone else for that matter.  
He was just himself.

A boy who liked his best friend.  
A boy who tricked himself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, it was mutual.  
He should have known. After all, he was just _Jeremy Heere._

The boy who liked to pretend.

**Author's Note:**

> yep so that was my first ao3 post :p
> 
> i doubt anyones gonna read this but w h a t e v e r im posting it anyway
> 
> *tips cowboy hat*


End file.
